cold cold cold
prostitution holy war
& swollen genitalia
Eloi! Eloi!
cold cold cold
in those days the men shall be as donkeys fumbling
in those days the men shall be as trees walking
cold cold cold
in those days the goats and the sheep will be in a pile fornicating
in an orgy of violence and arousal
of beauty and disfigurement
of sackcloth and condoms
suffer us not to be separated
Eloi? Eloi? Eloi?
cold air whispers back
shivers teeth bloodies tongue up
Eloi? Eloi? Eloi?
go back to bed, boy
i left a baby out in the rain
somebody took it, or maybe it learned to walk away
I
I continued in a violent
and messianic voice, inspired at
last, dominating the whole room.
good good God
In the bathroom the host vomited
& passed out
in & out to catch a few blurry words
here & there
some sorta pain and glass hitting
or some kind of stoneandfingermeeting
the hosts seemed to live with room
enough only for cooking and sleeping
anyway he woke up to some degree
found that the livingroom likewise
covered in upchuck and semen
And outside the guests drove home
II
pulsing in the sewer
again & again & again
it gets me so sleepy
i’ll just doze down here for a bit
in and out & up and down
I ate a sandwich of pure meat; an
enormous sandwich of human flesh
i’ll just doze down here
i’m just tired
i’m so tired
i’m so sore
i’ll just doze for a while
III
give me rest
give me love
give me 72 virgins
give me the angels
give me peace on earth
give me wisdom
give me some water to wash my mouth out
give me some sour wine to chap my lips
IV
Outside the hotel
Into the soggy night
Fifth door down on the left
Inside the first window
Under cool and soothing yellow light
In a carpet circle
Bowing in a circle
Kissing the rug
Picking up cracker crumbs between their lips
Bowing to flesh-tones on an altar
It’s more approachable than goat’s blood & fire anyway
Secretly sneaking peeks into the blurry altar for clarity
Getting hazier & muggier with each glance
Getting steamier & sweater
Getting filthier & more & more & more morbid
The flesh-tones are bleeding
The flesh-tones are moaning
The flesh-tones are whipping and ripping
The flesh-tones are weeping
& gnashing their teethGehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna! Gehenna!
PLEASE REMEMBER ME
“Hmn,” I mused.
kept smelling with a certain filthy scent
arouses some perverted curiosity as to where & why
shaking a little
twitching fingers & trembling wrists
keeping alive that certain clingy sense of charity
provision
usually dancing a few steps behind
blinking & blackening the swelling eyes & lashes
jaw kept shivering & cocking this way & that
nose flaring on occasion to prove the lack of perfection
keeping alive all appearances of dependence & neediness
exerting urgency & panic here & there
filling conversations with references
to vanity & holiness & addiction
keeping traces of vodka in breath & incense in purse
dropping portraits
questioning circumstance & law
striking up old chords & long-forgotten arguments
walking all over grounded principles
arousing long-hidden but universally anticipated challenges
she has a bowl of lilacs in her room
and twists one in her fingers while she talks
it’s such a doggone lonely night
flops and tosses herself around
blessed are the Peacemakers
raped and raped and raped outside
in an asylum in Ohio
says she’s 47
she talks about her dad
raping her
The Lord is my Shepherd
back and forth and back and forth in her head
gentlest of Saints, whisper my petition into the ears of the sweet Infant Jesus
at least honesty means something
I wish mine looked better than this
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner
I believe the words will change the heart
I believe the words will change the hard heart
Ah, my friend, you do not know, you do not know
What life is, you who hold it in your hands
Teach me to sit still,
My peace, even here, in thy will,
And on these rocks, I will lay myself down,
My broken spirit, crying out without sound,
But from the winds rises up such a groan,
That sings to the valley and lifts its dry bones,
My Deliverance, you forever shall be,
And let my cry rise up unto Thee
I just don’t know much about that sorta thing,
I just don’t remember like I used to, I guess.
I just can’t think too straight with my head in the gutter
& leeches crawling all up and down my face
I just lost track of some of the blood sometimes I suppose…
(It just shoots down so quick & there’s not much time
to think about why or try and stop it)
how’d you pull it off, anyway?
why’d you leave so quick?
why’d God do that?
why’d you turn off the tv and stare into the armoire?
(all blank and expressionless)
it’s just hard to keep track of all that I guess,
I kinda lost track at some point
just to reach that diamond iris solitude,
try and grasp that carseat blackhole mercy,
just maybe once or twice would be nice
O, the commotion outside,
It’s just too much!
My fingers tinkering as they touch!
(Not, I think, to be nervous,
just to learn not to trust)
oh!-
but are there any murders in the film?
no no no no…
just a little
just a little
only the natural vices anyway
are there any queers in the film?
no no no no…
but i did hear that they might cast that one fag
to play esau
wouldn’t that be fitting!
the ineffable kiss which its light gives me
completely enraptures my spirit, draws it to itself
and seizes it, naked, with an immaterial hand
and in me there is no longer any other sensation
what is my body that it may stray?
what are my fingers, that they could deceive you?
God of mercy,
God of widows and orphans and priests and whores and ,
God of my sweat and vomit and waste
(that i spill so carelessly out on the floor!)
be unto me a Fire
guide me to an altar,
(that i may try, in vain, to make a pleasing sacrifice to you,
and praise you when i realize i cannot!)
guide me to the darkness,
(most certainly it is They Themselves who are the light)
guide me to the heavens,
(i see Christ- O terror - opening the heavens for me)
what can i do now but tremble,
and take off my sandals
(and clap them together in a tireless song of praise!)
He lives! He lives and sits above,
For ever interceding there:
Who shall divide us from His love?
Or what should tempt us to despair?
and be unto me a Fire
